Mi cuerpo necesita un hombre

To my favorite father, Happy Birfday!=]

I know you probably aren't doing anything crazy, so I may have to send you something fromthe MTC to spice up your day;) (Can Rachel find anythign wild at the MTC store? You'll soon find out.) Here are people's addresses I still need: Poulters, Leah Boresow(FB her), Kim Whalen(FB her), Yates, Aunt Grace, UNcleRon, Roberts, Lakips, Draneys. I would try and get them myself but I physically can't=[. Sorry if my words get stuck but thiskeyboard sucks. Quick itemsof business: Got both your andmom's letters and I guess I didn't pack up that shirt or tights, it's all good. What's Berto's Southern address/is he alive? As for my patriarchal blessing, you don't needto send the original anywhere, just keep that at home. Oh and if you read these emails Berto, could you sendmethe lyrics from the GU album Little Microphone's song about "you could be so free if only we could start to see the beamsinour eyes...etc". Coocoo.

Haha, so Elder Gonzalez just asked me if I was writing to my sugardaddy hahaha. Long story short, my friend Scott Ogden sends me letters with his cologne on them and all the Advansados elders think he's my sugardaddy. Don't worry Faja, this email is all about you.

So there were a few awkward occurences this week, let's dive into them. I keep on having really random Harry Potter dreams.Last night I dreamed the President of the MTC was Dumbledore and sent me on a mission to London to get gold plates, but to get there I had to tame a dragon and had to deal with Ron being underneath a hardcore love potion. A hot mess. But everythingturnedout?

I have really gone too far with the elders this week. Completely on accidenttoo. We started for some reason making dinosaur sounds and movements and it all started because I did this raptor spit thing Ash taught me a while ago (which I'm obsessed with) and caused a bunch of districts to start congregating in hallsand being different dinosaurs. And yes, we got cautioned not to do that in the hallways anymore so now we do it at mealtime. Um, an Elder fromanother district printed out 3 pictures of me and wrote on the back of all them tellingmemy eyes were pretty and i was cool etc....i gave them to my companions and Soeur Reintjes. Another Elder haha askedme, "Hna. Schwartz, did you do your hair differently today?" and I said "Well, Elder Burke, I actually did it today, so I suppose so." and he got red in the face and said "oh". okay? But the main apostatic thing I did was interlace my fingers with Elder Gomez ON ACCIDENT. One day Elder Gomez came uop tomea couple weeks ago and toldme we werte best friends and best friends have a handshake, which resembled the handshake the Ninja Turtles give each other. Well, itwaslate and I was in a rush and wewere confused the other night and instead of giving a ninja turtle handshake, we accidently interlaced fingers for .3 seconds, but don't worry he's inColombia now.

Haha so wepray before and after every class as an entire class and the other day, and I stillhave no clue why I did this, as I gotonmy knees to pray I  put my hands together like how a Catholic would and looked up like I was praying to Jesus  in the air orsomething and then I realized what I was doing and I awkwardly moved my handsinto a fistish sort of shape, but after theprayer everyone asked me if I was sure I was inthe right place or if I needed to attend the Catholic church down the street. It was funnier in real life I suppose.

Alright, the most awkward moment ofmy week: Hna Turner and I were waiting for HnaMcCullough to go to the bathroom,andit was speak your language day (onlyspeak spanish), and I wasfatigued and had just watched Elder Rushton give our teacher a back massage. You have no idea how jealous I get when he does that and he does that to all the elders ALL the time. So, I was up against the wall and I said to Hna Turner "Mi cuerpo necesita un hombre!" (My body needs a man.) Right as I said this my super awkward teacher Hno Wood walks by me and makes eye contact with me for a good 5 seconds, and instead of making it funny moment he was awkward about it and I went down the hall in shame, not saying a word. Later on that day, I said "Toca mi cuerpo" (Touch my body) out loud in the middle of some of our elder friends, and Hno Painter comes by at that very moment and gives me a chastising look. Hno. Painter also found me yelling at a computer in Spanish the next day. Basically, whenever I am acting like a foolio Hno Painter is there to witness it and chastise me with his eyes.

Time is almost out, but this week we got a native speaker as an investigator and her name is Ivellise, she's catholic and is a gem! Oh my word she's so precious and I love her muchisimo and just love teaching her and beingher friend=]. My compas told me I'm aperfectionist and needto chillout, so that's my goal for this week.

I love you guys supermucho!

Hna Schwartz

*And a quick shout out to Eden Wen and a HAPPY 21 to Surbz=]=]=]=]=]*