It's been a hard day's night

And I been workin' like a dog Familia,

Happy Thursday!

Business first: Faja, thanks for sending my blessing, I can always count on you;). I am aware that you are sending my emails unedited, and you are apparently adding some words of wisdom from what my sources tell me. Could you send me a checkbook so I can budget my expenses please? Also, I am still waiting for my Shade shirts to be sent back to me( I re-sent them back for smaller sizes and diff colors) and I was wondering if you could call them and check up on that for me? Yes, you can still call me sweetie=]. Oh and everyone died over those jokes, gracias! Ma, uh cool thanks for coming to Utahrd and not sending me a package or any sort of love. NBD, I'm over it. AWESOME FOR DEANNE! let her know I love her and am so happy for her and her sealed famfam! Could you look in my room and find the long-sleeve blue shirt and black tights that I left and maybe send those to me to show me you care about me? Coo. Berto, what's your address at Southern? I have some letters you will definitely want to read.

Superbien, alright so I have been having some very vivid and odd dreams here at the MTC. The other night I had a dream Maxie and I were chilling on our front lawn and a leopard and some sort of fox-dog mix came and started hangin with us, and then we found them homes and Maxie and I found a plumber's truck and became plumbers for this one family who love George Foreman's and vegan food? Yeah, that's just a sampling of a normal one. It's kind of freaky that my compas know my little oddities now. Hna. Turner the other day said, "What's funny?" out of nowhere and I said "What is that crack making you say?" and she said "Your nostrils flared and they always flare when you're trying to be serious but think something's funny." Mouth dropped. Little did she know that I was thinking about something someone wrote me in a letter and was laughing in my head. It's creepy that she can read my mind. But that's what you get with a 24/7 compa. Oh, btw SISTER BELNAP AND SISTER REINTJES are on my floor and we party hardy (not really, I just merely jumped on Sis. Belnap and hugged Sis. Reitnjes for 8 hours). Dude, too legit. Oh, and Elder Colton and I just did laundry and chit-chatted just now=] He's so presh and is more like Jared everyday. Hilarious. I also got called to be a coordinating sister this week, but I'll talk more about that later on.

This is good. Haha, the other day one of our elders forgot the Lose Yourself Eminemem song and so me and Hna. Turner were talking about that in our room and Hna. McCullough says "Are you talking about the candy or the rapper?" and we lose it. Hard-core. And then Hna. Turner, trying to be funny and crunk says in an awkwardly slow ghetto voice, "My name is Mac N Cheesy and I get craaaaaazy." I LOSE IT. Like, I'm on the floor because it sounded like the worst rap in my entire life and it's the MTC. Oh, but it got better. Without missing a beat, I'm o n the floor gasping for breath and Hna. McCullough, with complete seriousness asks, "Is he a rapper too?" OH MY HOT SLAM.  I literally lost it for the rest of the day. I would find myself walking up stairs and Hna. Turner would say "I;m Mac N Cheesy" and I would literally fall on my face, on the stairs and be laughing for 5 mins without air. It was unreal and the highlight of my life.

19- year old boy mood swings are taking my to my wits ends. They have had literally 2 counseling sessions during class now and I am just like, "Sweet baby elders, companionships are hard, stop crying about it." You'd think that would be an Hermana problem right?

OKay, I love Spanish. I love teaching the gospel in Spanish. What a blessing to be able to make the gospel simple, sweet, and clear. Because there is no way I can get deep or super eloquent with the language, and it just let's the Holy Ghost teach our investigators like crazy and I just can't help but have a fatty ole smile on my face when I feel it happen. So bomb. We taught our teacher in English the other day and I blew. Hardcore. And it was because I wasn't relying on the Holy Ghost to help a sista out, and that experience was awesome because I realized I quite literally will never be successful if I, Hna Schwartz, try and teach people instead of letting the HG teach through me. Sorry if that was way preachy.

Anyhoo, I got called as a coordinating sister last Sunday and have been going through training this week. Basically a CS is a counselor/support system for all the Hermanas in a zone (a bunch of districts put together, it's kind of like a home ward). The other night Hna Simpson (the CS right now training me) made a passing comment about how she had experienced a miracle that day. It ended up turning into a really awesome "counseling?" session where she told me some stuff about her past and what she's been struggling with her in the MTC and I don't know where it came from, maybe it's all the years of receiving Dad's 3-4 hour long lectures, but I was able to listen and tell her the things she needed to hear. And I didn't even mind that she cried, I was actually more than okay with it. And I honestly felt such an amazing amount of love for her and I honestly felt her pain and I could feel her sense of relief. She told me she felt very impressed, that my name literally jumped off the page, when she chose me to fill her place because she knows that this is a position I need. I know that to be true as well. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to not be so uptight and rigid, but be able to really chill and show the new sisters who come into the MTC love and understanding and really care for them. I feel like I sound super fem right now, and I apologize for that, but it was honestly a really tender experience and I'm just grateful that the Lord knows each person on this earth and knows what they need and sends regular people, like Hna Simpson, to be ministering angels to others. Forgive me if I sound preachy, I don't mean it that way I just can't explain myself in English or Spanish anymore=] Literally can't speak a blessed word of any language fluently ha!

Time is out, but I love you and am loving being here, so don't worry be happy my fam,

Hna Schwartz

First Lady Schwartz

Why hello there family,

This week flew by, cray-cray how time works here. Anyhoo here are the thoughts of the week, hopefully they will be so exciting they will entice a letter or email from you;). Last week I went to a workshop and there was a box full of iPods. I saw them and immediately thought, "Satan?" Was super weirded out by them and they made me feel uncomfortable. Oh, it gets better. So, my teacher Hno. Barnard has these one-on-one coaching sessions with each person in my district to see how they're doing and if they have any concerns, get to know us better yada yada. For some reason I didn't put two and two together and so he asked me to come with him for our coaching session and I went and in my head was like "Wait, why companions aren't coming...." awkward. oh my word. I was legit freaking out, so sketchy my heart started beating fast. I am embarrassed to be writing this but I'm preparing you for what a freak I'm going to be when I come back from this mish mish. So we head down to find a room, but someone was in our room so we were standing outside, just me and this man, and he was trying to make small talk and i kept kicking the wall with my foot so I wouldn't have to look at him. Oh man, this is embarrassing. So, we get into the room and he closes it behind him. and we sit in 2 chairs across from one another and I am LEGIT freaking out right now. You don't understand, I haven't been alone with a man in what 3-4 weeks now? And have literally been glued to the hip of 2 other women for that same amount of time. So we do the interview and the whole time my heart rate is just off the charts, but I of course play it cool, I'm not so far gone. But when I got into the class it took me another 5-10 mins to calm down. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. Oh my word that's embarassing, Lawdy help me!

On a lighter note, I have been deemed the First Lady in my district. It all came about because on Tuesdays and Sundays we have to wear our blazers and dress up for devotionals so I take the opportunity to really do it up. And the past couple of Devotionals I've matched Elder Barrett in a perfectly presidential way. Hna Turner always called me First Lady and I was being sarcastic and told her my one life goal was to become the youngest First Lady of the United States. So now everyone comments on my outfits everyday and i've turned into somewhat of a First Lady doll: yesterday I was First Lady at White House Brunch, and the day before I was First Lady playing croquet, and the day before I was First Lady at tea, the list goes on and on. Anyhoo, I have come to like the idea. Maybe that could be my new career goal...who needs to help social entr. organizations anyways right?

Every week I like to spice things up and I do a funny voice or something, and then that voice catches on like wildfire and becomes the theme for my district for the entire week. This week was New Jersey, thanks to me quoting Housewives of NJ. It was way funny when I did an English accent last week because I spoke Spanish in a proper British accent and if I do say so myself, I sounded ridiculous and made all the advanced Spanish kids give me weird looks. Speaking of advanced Spanish elders, all my volleyball friends left yesterday, so now I'm left friendless and all alone in this world. Don't cry for me Argentina.

I had a really cool experience 2 days ago: long story short Hna Wright needed to take Sis Skolla to the ER but she hadn't packed her bags and she was leaving for her mission in MO at 6 am the next morning. I told her I would pack her up, and she accepted my invitation and I recruited my sweet baby companions and we got to work. I am not very skilled at very many things, but I can confidently say I am a master packer. It's the Airline blood that runs so thick in our family;). I got her packed, organized, tidied up and underweight in under an hour, and then I got Hna. McCullough to make her bed (she's a master bed maker), and I  left one of the bags of Melene's cookies (oh yeah, Melene Goggins loves me btws;)) on her bed with a note saying "Breakfast of Champions", and then I left her notes on how I organized all her luggage and jazz. As I was packing I was just getting things done, going to work, but the second I walked back into my room, holy night child I felt a rush of absolute pleasure. It was this burning happiness and I haven't felt that in a while. I guess I haven't really served  unselflessly in a while. I LOVED that feeling and Hna Wright left a teary (she cried on it, not me, just to be clear) note in the morning about what charity we showed her yada yada, and while that was nice and all, that feeling was what made it memorable. I am so blessed to have had that opportunity, that wake up call to really forget myself. Really just get out there and serve to the best of my abilities. A lot of times I refrain from serving because I think it means writing a nice note or bringing someone cookies, but I think really serving is serving with charity, the pure love of Christ, in your heart. It's honestly desiring the well-being of others, it's desiring to make their loads a little lighter, their burdens a bit more bearable. It was awesome and from here on out, I'm going to figure out I'm going to focus on how I can better love people.

I love you mucho, if you could send me an English dictionary that would be swell. And if you could get me those people's addresses that also would be super helpful. J Mack, Ceese, Ash, or any friend who so desires to procrastinate their homework or chores, if you could dealelder me the lyrics to any (or all if you really love me) of the songs to Joseph Smith: A Nashville Tribute, I promise I will send you pictures that will def make your day=].

Les amo!

Hermana Schwartz

Rachel's 3rd Email

Hey fam,

There have been some IT mishaps with this email, so this one is gonna be a tad bit more concise due to time. Let's get to it: I need the addresses to the following people so I can mail them Thank You cards [Poulters, Hughes, Uncle Ron, Aunt Grace, Kim Whalen(FB stalk her please for the address), Yates, Coltons, Draneys, Roberts, Lakips, Lichliters, Boresows(FB stalk Lead cause she's living at home now), Stephen Feinberg, Surabhi]. 2nd item of business: can you please send me a check-book so I can budget my transactions? Yes, I got my driver's license thank you! And Berto, can you send me a flashdrive thingy so I can upload my pics onto it? Faja, could you hook me up with some ear plugs from work? Ma, you need to mail me my patriarchal blessing, I don't have access to a printer here. Cool beans.

So I got a letter from Batman Dark Knight. Dad, my elders literally squealed with joy when they read I got that and now want Batman trivia. If you have a spare moment in your day, I would appreciate you humbling them with your intense knowledge of Batman and/or other superheros and accompanying villians. I can officially say the love/hate relationship with the MTC has come to a close and love has won out once again. Funny story, remember how I said last email I didn't have a teacher? Well, the investigator (the guy interested in the church) we were teaching, Cesar, turned out to be Hermano Barnard, our teacher. On top of it, one of the guys I thought was a substitute was our actual teacher so now I feel bad for making him feel awkward, Hermano Wood is his name. Haha my compa Hna. McCullough is an artist lady and she drew a picture of Cesar(really Hno. Wood) on a dry erase board and we have it hanging above the chalkboard in our classroom, so when Hno. Barnard came in, he was creeped out and saw his mirror image, like a shrine. His picture is still there. But Holy Mackeral, what a difference in having a teacher! I have honestly learned so much in the past couple of days and I believe a major part is because we have teachers, who guide us as to what we need to do. Weird concept, I know.

So, we play these games during class sometimes. Okay, maybe they're not games, but maybe I make them into fun competitions. So we get into these friendly competitions and I dominate. Straight up. And it's funny because my entire district didn't realize who competitive I was and apparently they noticed that my nostrils flare when I get really competitive (my game face) and when I try to be serious but want to laugh at something. When you're with people 24/7, they notice curiosities like that.

Things I learned about myself this week. I am an impatient person. And I get frustrated easily which stems from me being impatient. I have never really considered this as a characteristic trait of myself before, but lo and behold I feel like that is the only thing I have been challenged with this week. I guess I'm a bit intense when it comes to obeying the laws here at the MTC. If we're supposed to be having Spanish language study for an hour I get frustrated when my district goofs off with the Advanced Class. I become impatient with my hermanas when they consistently need to use the restroom and make us 5 minutes late to class. Little things like that, but goodness maybe I need to chill out. Anyhoo, that's something I'm going to work on this week is how to be a patient person. I feel like that may be something good to learn.

Speaking of South Africa, I'm not going to say I'm totally cool with the fact you guys are ditching me to go to South Africa for the summer, but whateves, I've got hook ups here in the MTC. The first day during orientation this guy from South Africa sat behind me and I showed him my journal I got from there and he showed me this big bible holder from there and I said that's way cool and we talked about where he lived (all over, he was in the Cape, Joberg, Durban, etc.) and where we visited and he gave me his binder thing! Super cool! So Elder Howden and I became fast friends and we "hang out" whenever we run into each other. Anyways, his sweet grammy is going to send me Chikree and Rooibos tea! And Elder Howden gave me that Aero chocolate and Fruit Pastales. Oh, how I love South Africa. Oh, and he knows Brother Gorman! Small world.

My apostate act of the week: I sort of halfway hugged an elder? Elder Chang (one of my BYUSA presidents) saw me after devotional and was like "We need to get a picture together cause I go to China tomorrow!" So I jump into action, threw my arm around his shoulders, we took a sweet MySpace photo, and then afterwards we realized I was basically on his back and touching him inappropriately and he said "Don't worry, no one will ever know. I'll hide the evidence." My other apostate act: I have converted my district into some ghetto/black woman hood. I started talking hood a few weeks ago and it has caught like wildfire. The best is when Elder Lane (white boy to the max), does a perfect angry black woman. He has the crazy eyes and everything, it kills me. Haha, My comps and I had a breaking point the other day and I found myself on the stairs of a hallway laughing my fool head off. So, we keepin it fresh hurr in da MTC.

Awesome about Deanne, sorry to confuse you with all the, and I quote, "lovey dovey stuff". Sorry, I don't know what came over me. It must be the food, which gets grosser by the day. But it's okay. As for breaking me out, here are some plans I've concocted: golf cart, send extra badge to Cici and have her walk in and take my palce, run to my friend's house who lives by the temple on temple walks, make myself seriously ill and get transported to the ER. Haha JK! I love it remember?

Anyways, that's about all.

I like you,

Hna. Schwartz

Hermana Schwartz's second email, wherein she tells an elder she will eat his face.

Que pasa familia!!!

Here is my address: Sister Rachel Schwartz, MTC Mailboz #127, AZ-MESA 0306, 2005 N 900 E, Provo, UT, 84604-1793. But honestly using DearElder.com is way easier for them to write and send letters and it's gratis (free)=].

How are Maxie and Princess doing? I shared my talent as making hemp dog leashes in Spanish the other day, but I'm pretty sure I said something different because everyone gave me weird looks. How was the New Year? Did Mom cry because of me? Oh, could you por favor copy my patriarchal blessing and send it to me, I forgots it.

Where to start: my district is so precious. All the Elders are so different from one another and absolutely hilarious in their own quirky ways it slays me. We still don't have a teacher, which has kind of been cool because we get the substitutes absolute best pieces of knowledge. My little elders have a major man crush on Brother Painter, a teacher here which is hilarious because he actually is friends with Heidi Klomp, haha. Speaking of hilarity. I find myself being more and more amused by the simple things in life here at the MTC: my companion falling down 3 stairs (laughed my head off), changing the words to songs to have a gospel message in Spanish, Elder Mack calling a 4 ft nothing elder the Keebler elf, and various other pecularities. We have to do cleaning service (yes Ma, they force me to clean here) at like 6 in the morning on Tuesdays and so while we clean I told my companions to choose songs and I would throw down a beat. I don't know how to beat box, but by the end of these 10 weeks I promise you I will be off da chain, at least as off da chain as a sister can get. I have made many lovely friends here in the MTC, most of them are the advanced Spanish elders who "baptized" me into their district. We were playing volleyball the other day and Elder Pesantes always spikes the ball on my head when I'm at the net, however this time I completely owned him. Straight up. And then later on I accidently hit a ball in his face when I was trying to pass it to him. But they slay me! I have had some problems following an important and very basic rule here at the MTC: I find myself accidently inappropriately touching elders constantly. I don't even realize I do it until I get heckled. And I call them inappropriate names sometimes too. For example, we get to leave the prison walls of the MTC every Sunday to walk around the Provo Temple (literally cannot describe the liberation I felt. It was as if I had been freed from the bonds of slavery. Please note I am not equtating serving a mission with slavery, but I can assume it would be the same sentiments.) Anyhoo, on our walk, it was Fast Sunday and Elder Rushton in my district asked me how hungry I was and I said something along the lines of "So hungry I could eat your face." But in Spanish, that is super sexual and inappropriate, and I assume it;s not the best thing to say in english either. Anyways, that is an example of something that happens on a regular basis for me. But, that's me! Always a shocker;)

There are so major health issues here in the MTC. Just in my room alone, 2 hermanas have mono and one has been throwing up for the past week. I have heard of 3 sisters getting their gall-bladders taken out because of the fat in the food here (don't worry, I stay away from all processed foods), and another sister's gums have started receding. I don't know about the elders and infirmities but sisters are falling left and right. I'm a-okay and I'm pretty sure it's because I refused to get a flu shot. Voodoo. Elders always tell me that days here seem like weeks in the MTC, and it is so weird and true. It's the most psycho time warp ever. Each day feels like a week, and then the weeks just fly by. I don't even know what year or month it is. For NYE we celebrated with glo-in the dark bracelets and some chips and salsa and then went to bed at 10:30 sharp. Woot woot! Sorry if I make the MTC sound awful, it's really not at all and I am coming to more love it in this weird love/hate relationship I have with it currently.

This week I discovered something about myself: I am so dumb, fo real. I have no clue why I thought that going on a mission was going to be easy. I literally am so dumb, but I am so grateful for being humbled this past week. We had some amazing talks given in a mission conference on Sunday, but for me the message that stuck out the most was found in Psalms 115:19? i don't remember exactly but it said something along the line of: "And I planted my feet and turned the other way." Basically, the message was that this mission can change your life if you let it. You are freed from your past and you can start afresh and be the person you are meant to be. There is no one, nor nothing keeping you from reaching your full potential except yourself. I have been praying a lot lately about that. Who is it that I want to be? Who is it that I am meant to be? It has been so incredible how simple my prayers have been and how rich the blessings I have received from them. The Lord is helping me to change and soften my heart. He is helping me to remember the person I have been in the past and is helping me to realize the person that lies ahead of me. Dad, I am so grateful for your example of always being an hour early instead of 5 mins late. You were teaching me that time is important and is a way we show our love. I am on the Lord's time right now, and while it seems long or short or whatever, I am BEYOND grateful to be able to show Him my devoption my love for him through dedicating myself, consecrating my time and talents and showing Him I'm serious about this work. I hope to never waste a minute.

Let me know how life is going on the homefront. I love you all more than you know=]

Hna. Schwartz

Rachel's first email

Hola familia!

FYI, I'm alive. These have been the most craycray (remind me to stop using slang, that's a mish rule I am having problems with), what 3? 4? days of my life. But, it's all good. I feel like I've finally landed on my feet today, so hallelujah for that. I would tell you my schedule, but I still have no clue what it actually is being the first week is apparently way different from the upcoming ones. But in a nutshell, I've been studying! Actually, you should call me Maestra Schwartz instead of Hermana Schwartz being I've been teaching my district (me, my 2 companions *I'm in a three-some*, and 4 baby elders) Spanish since day 1. I'm in intermediate Spanish btw. But teaching has been a blessing because it's been a good refresher on grammar and vocab and it's nice to loosen up my tongue. I'll briefly tell you about what the lo-down has been being there are elders staring me down (limited amount of computers): the MTC I've come to find as being a mixture of Hogwarts, the "I Want You/She's So Heavy" scene in Across the Universe. Sorry, my thoughts are jumbled so I'm jumping over the place: I got picked up by my friend Hermana Jenny McKay (she hosted me, basically showed me around on my first day)! SUPER FUN! Here's a list of all the lovely people I've seen whilst here: Elder SamSam Gallegos, Elder Justin Mack, Sister Winters, Brother Sturgess, a guy from my BYU ward, a guy apparently from my D&C class, Sister Abraham, Brother Archibald, Elder Chang, and a Sister Ruiz. I get to say night to Elder Gallegos (Olivia's brother) it seems every night and watch Elder Mack (JMack's broseph) eat, so good times=]. I am a blessed girl, my companions are gold. Seriously so perfect for me. Super kind and accomodating and willing to do whatever and just all around sweet. Their names are Hna. Turner and McCullough (from SAn Diego and Idaho going to Pocatello Visitor's Center- funny story she went to BYUI and said she'd never returned and now she's going on her mission there, and Tampa, FL). Crap I have 9 mins, didn't realize this was timed. Anyhoo, I still don't feel like I'm here on a mission, I kind of feel like I'm a teacher who knows jack and an observant who knows even less, so maybe one day it'll hit me=]. I think the thing that has hit me most since being here is that these 19-year old boys are babies! They are so precious and they have no clue (along with myself) what the deal is, but what is impressive is that they're getting their acts together and going through whatever this is. I honestly have a completely different level of respect for return missionaries. Hot slam this mission stuff is freakin tough. Oh btw, Faja, remember how you bought me volleyball knee-pads for bball because I ate the floor all the time? Yeah, well I am now sacrificing my body for the better good of volleyball=]. Please don't send knee-pads. I don't know if this email makes any sense or sounds depressing or exciting or whatnot, but just know that I am super grateful to be here, I can't think of anything else I'd rather be tackling in life right now, I'm being humbled a tonizzle and I love you guys!

Peace and Blessings,

Hna. Schwartz